Hailing a father as a ‘doesband’ just shows how few look after their own children | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

Hands-on dads are certainly more commonplace among younger generations, but they are still seen as the exception

Are you a “doesband”? The latest irritating portmanteau refers to a husband who parents his own children. “A doesband has his own hectic job, but still does his fair share at home Without Being Asked,” writes Harriet Walker, the Times journalist who coined the term. “A doesband knows where the Calpol is and when ballet kit is needed … He gets up with the children and does bedtime; he feeds them, bathes them, does the school run; knows when their nails need to be cut and that behind their ears can get gunky.”

I hate the term, but Walker makes a salient point: that men who share childcare equally with their partners, including the mental load, are still rarer than they should be. There are more and more female breadwinners, but according to the Office for National Statistics, women still do 60% more unpaid work than men. Walker writes about staying awkwardly silent during conversations with other women about their useless partners. It can feel like boasting to go into just how much your male partner does (I’m only discussing heterosexual relationships here).

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett is a Guardian columnist and author

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