My husband took shared parental leave – for far too many fathers, it’s still an impossibility | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

My partner took proper time off and was able to truly connect with our son. Other countries prioritise this. Why not us?

I racked my brains trying to work out what to get my husband for his first Father’s Day. A fart-themed mug and a book of dad jokes don’t really cut it, after all the weeks and weeks of hands-on fathering. And I mean proper fathering. The Father’s Day gift economy, themed as it is around activities that you do away from your children – golf and drinking whisky – hasn’t really caught up with modern dadding.

In two weeks, my husband goes back to full-time work, after nearly four months of shared parental leave, and I will become a full-time parent. In this country, most dads go back after the measly two weeks of statutory paternity leave, so our experience is not typical. The culture enables this. My husband has been told socially that there is not much point taking this time, that he won’t be able to interact with the baby – who will only be interested in his mother – and will “just be changing nappies”. No one mentioned bonding.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett is a Guardian columnist and author

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